Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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