You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
i've created a new STD.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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