May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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