RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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