screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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