Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
