When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Oh god it's open bar.
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