My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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