FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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