tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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