And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
