Me too!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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