she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
