i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
