I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Randomize
