the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
