we have pet lesbian snakes
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
barbara walters just said penis...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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