Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
