my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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