ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
