Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
