Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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