you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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