youre lurking in front of me
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
