My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
