i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
