hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It was confusing and full of hummus
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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