Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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