can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
