No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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