i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
