As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
