have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Bring me that man meat
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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