hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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