hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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