I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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