Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
