singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
