what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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