I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
