New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
