I think I am morally bankrupt
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
please don't ironically join a cult
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