I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
