he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
