just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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