my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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