worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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