If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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