All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
