Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just high enough for therapy.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
