Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize