Betty ford says i'm here all night
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
