Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
