what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
