Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
