There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
