Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
