i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I could fuck to npr.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Shame is for Republicans.
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