Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
