he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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