Did you just see the Batmobile???
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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