he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize