you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
