Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
God I need to hump something, right now.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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