i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Its about making memories worth repressing
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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