Say something about gay babies.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
