You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
