It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize