oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
